“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven: A time to be born and a time to die, A time to plan and a time to uproot, A time to kill and a time to heal, A time to tear down and a time to build, A time to weep and a time to laugh, A time to mourn and a time to dance, A time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, A time to embrace and a time to refrain, A time to search and a time to give up, A time to keep and a time to throw away, A time to tear and a time to mend, A time to be silent and a time to speak, A time to love and a time to hate, A time for war and a time for peace.”

Building Confidence

From an early age it’s pounded into us we’re taught that we’re not good enough. Not handsome enough, not affluent enough or whatever. And so, we spend years of our lives chasing after these things.

A day might come where you realize that you’re actually not bad looking and/or that you’re not bad off financially either. So you start dating girls. It’s easy. You see, most people are lonely and everyone is lonely in various seasons of their life.

The point is that you gain all this confidence and then one day you meet this girl. She’s the most amazing girl! Like no one you’ve ever met before. She’s smart, she’s beautiful; she has integrity and is always looking out for others before she ever bothers to look out for herself.

This is when you’re crushed. After all those years of building confidence in your physique and learning and social standing; you realize that you’re not good enough for this girl.

“For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things.”

Now love wouldn’t be true love if you can’t love her despite her faults or if she can’t love you despite your failings.

Love isn’t always that ‘floating on clouds’ feeling. No, love must be tested and proved. You want to know if this girl would love you despite your faults, your ugly history and despite you’re not having paid close attention to your character as you have to your physique and consumer life-style.

Refining Love

You need to test her love for you.

Partly because you love her and don’t wish to be in a relationship with someone who you have to keep secrets from and partly because you want to know if she really loves you enough to stick by you once knowing who you really are.

Chances are that she still will love you. Love is blind they say. My friend tells me “True love can’t exist without blind love.” I believe he means that if we weren’t blind in the beginning, we would too clearly see the faults of others and never risk our hearts with them.

Men seem to believe that people don’t change. “Once my good opinion is lost, it’s lost forever” is how Darcy said it in ‘Pride and Prejudice’. But women often seem to believe that people can change. And thank God for that!

You’ll probably find that this girl you love has more faith that you can and will change than you do yourself.

Young men often have this belief that they are a great catch for any girl. In fact, many men never really grow out of this. I’ll bet crusty old Donald Trump still believes that he’s a great catch!

This girl though, shatters your self perception and you’re starting to realize some truths about yourself.

Realizing Self

Your struggles begin!

In less than 5 seconds you’ve already questioned yourself on the following:

1. Can I be forgiven?

2. Can she forgive me?

3. Can I change?

4. If yes – how do I change?

5. If no – do I need to and will she still love me?

6. How long does it take to change and how can I be sure that I’ve changed?

7. Is it right to change because of a girl?

8. I have other reasons to want to change but how can I be sure if I never fully changed before this girl? Would I have changed without her?

9. Should we continue our relationship while I change?

10. Do I even love her for her or do I only love her because of her goodness?

11. But isn’t her goodness a large part of who she is?

… and more

Right about this time you disappear for a few days and she’s worried sick; wondering why you’re not answering your phone.

Seasons Change

Finally you meet this girl again. She’s happy (she thinks) but she has no idea why you’ve been gone for days with no words to comfort her.

You came back for two reasons:

1. You realized that change in yourself is possible
2. You still really love this girl and do really want to spend much of your time with her

You want to change – but don’t know how to yet, or if you’ll succeed! You love this girl but don’t want to let her remain emotionally attached in case you can’t be the man you know she deserves.

Over dinner she knows that you’re not fully present and she wants you to explain this. But you can’t explain all that to a girl. They think differently to guys. And you can’t explain it anyway when you’re debating in your own mind whether you should break up with this girl or not. You don’t know if you should or shouldn’t because both occurrences have the same logical reasoning.

“I love this girl too much to stay together – because she deserves better.”

“I love this girl too much; we should stay together – because I will always look out for her.”

And thus it’s proved that logical reasoning is not always absolute. For you can’t grow or discontinue the relationship from here without a little trust, faith or taking some chances.

I guess some decisions just need a little emotional help or some of what we call ‘women’s intuition’! And time! Trust, faithfulness and chance are like gemstones. Requiring time, diligence and patience before you’ll see them shine.

“Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.”

All quotes taken from the NIV published by Zondervan

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8, Romans 5:3-5, Timothy 4:8

Dear God,

 

Why is it that You must give us such a large learning curve?

When I was 16, I remember a time with friends.

 

Our singer in our jazz band had just told us that she had no parents. And I couldn’t stand the silence.

 

Trying to diffuse the situation, I said “Haven’t you read that book? Where do I come from?”

 

She looked at me, and I’ll always remember how her eyes narrowed and her face contorted when she said “They’re dead, you moron.”

 

She left quickly and my friends all just looked at me, while one of them drove the nail through my coffin saying “I can’t believe you just said that!”

 

It wasn’t until many years later I learned that my reaction to shock is to make a joke, hoping to diffuse the situation.

 

If only I had known, when I was 16 that people in shock react differently; me included. Then I could have avoided saying something so stupid.

 

Those 30 seconds were the most painful in all my life.

 

But God, through that experience, I’ve always tried to react slower and understand others emotional needs better.

 

So perhaps I needed to make such a blunder to learn that?

God, you always did know more than me.

 

~ Nathanial

Some feelings are difficult to describe. One of these is how a woman can make you feel.

Meeting a woman is at 3,000 meters is best.

3,000 meters will clear your senses. Unlike sea level where it’s so easy to be breezy. Less oxygen at 3,000 meters forces our senses to work harder and thus clearer. At 3,000 meters it’s not to difficult to breath, but it’s difficult enough to make us concentrate harder and pay greater attention than we would if we were at sea level.

The thing about women is that meeting her gives a man a strong desire to climb mountains for her and with her.

Meeting a woman at sea level, is rarely any good. Many have given up their desire to climb mountains because life is breezy by the sea.

Meeting someone at 3,000 meters means you’ve already experienced some of the climb and can now see more clearly the mountain waiting to be conquered.

Those you meet at sea level may be planning on taking an entirely different direction to you but those you meet at 3,000 meters are already moving in the same direction as you.

The sea level woman may be fabulously gorgeous, but her beauty is difficult to see if you decide to climb different mountains. So you both decide to stay at sea level (it’s easy and breezy at sea level anyway) and you miss seeing how she’d look as she climbs.

Believe me; the climb always accentuates woman’s beauty.

But we’re supposed to be talking about how a woman can make you feel.

You’re halfway up the mountain, you meet this woman and you both continue to climb further.

As you climb, the oxygen thins and it becomes more difficult to breath. Climbing higher, your heart and chest starts to ache – you want to stop because it hurts so much and by this stage you can hardly breathe at all. But each glimpse of that woman climbing with you only strengthens your resolution to continue climbing.

Higher again, the lack of oxygen is no longer only affecting your breathing but it isn’t getting to your brain and you struggle to think clearly. You no longer remember why you’re climbing – you only remember that this is what you want, so you still don’t give up.

You forget every desire and infatuation you’ve ever had, because you’ve never been this high before with anyone.

Pretty soon your head is in the clouds and you can no longer see where you’re going.

It becomes necessary to hold hands as you climb so you aren’t separated.

They say “there are plenty of fish in the sea” but we’re not at sea level now and if you lose her at 5,000 meters, it’s unlikely you’ll meet another who speaks the same languages. You will have to finish climbing that mountain yourself or trek down a few thousand meters.

Many of you I’m sure have experienced this and know that it’s not enjoyable.

So hold that hand.

Even though you’re struggling to breathe and your chest aches. I’ll bet she’s feeling it too, and she needs your hand just as much as you need hers.

So hold that hand!

The greatest thing about climbing is that the higher you are, the more people to rely on each other. Not only those you’re traveling with, but with the people you meet on the way; those climbing and those who live there.

It often seems to me that those at sea level are content to care only for themselves. You can’t see very far from sea level. It may seem that opportunity abounds, but you’re not seeing very far.

Mountains from sea level look small. It’s easy to leave climbing them for some other day.

There is no other day.

There is only today!

And don’t believe that you’ll climb them once you’ve met a woman. You can’t hope that someone else is going to change you. If you’re not climbing and she’s not climbing, what makes you think you’ll start now? What if they’re expecting to change because of you? They probably are. Don’t believe that you’ll be the reason someone else will change either.

Or on the other hand, there’s a woman you desire but she’s at 2,000 meters. You think “she’s out of reach”, and you’re probably right. But perhaps the only reason she’s out of reach is that she’s climbing and you ain’t. She’s put effort into getting up the mountain and it’s going to take a very interesting man to make her turn around and climb down to sea level. She’ll only come down or wait for you if she sees you climbing.

Start climbing.

The easiest way to measure how high you’ve climbed in life is by how much those around you support each other. Many measure your height by your monetary worth. But money can’t fix everything, believe me, I used to try. Many times it didn’t work.

Now I’m climbing.

I can’t breath.

My chest hurts.

My heart aches.

I can’t always see where I’m going.

Soon (I hope) I’ll be holding her hand (never to let go).

I love people who climb mountains. They generally can’t be bought. They’re not at the top yet, and they’re focussed.

And we can’t buy those once they’re at the top, for we’re still at sea level – those at the top don’t like the view from sea level any more. Maybe we’ve more money, status, fame, or whatever…

…but the view from the top, the company and the satisfaction at the top are priceless!

You won’t let yourself be bought once at the top.

This is how a woman should make a man feel.

When little, I thought I knew a lot.
Now big, I know my thoughts are little.

Like Mark Twain said “When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished by how much he’d learned in seven years.”

I love to give my opinions away. It’s a cheap gift, I know. But giving others my opinions gives me self worth (sorta like keeping a blog).

Unfortunately, others also like giving me their opinions – even when I don’t want them.

But, I do like to receive someone’s opinion when I’ve already got the very same opinion. I feel they are smart because they’re clever enough to have an opinion that’s the same as mine.

So I have thousands of my own opinions and I collect yours as well (provided I’ve already got my own variation of your opinion).

Often I wonder where I got my thousands of opinions in the first place.

Naturally my opinions come from all over the place and it’s difficult to keep track of them.

On occasion I have caught myself giving an opinion away when halfway through, it occurs to me that I have no idea where I got that opinion or why I have it at all.

In these cases, I must lost face. I’ll usually say “Actually, don’t listen to me, I don’t really know.”

Hopefully I’ve only lost half my face because I was able to retract half my opinion.

Surely I’d look a bigger fool if I’d given away a stupid opinion proving my ignorance.“It’s better to be thought a fool than open your mouth and remove all doubt” was how Abraham Lincoln said.

Even stranger than this, is that over time, my opinions change. If I’ve given you an opinion and then change it one year on; the opinion I gave you loses its value.

And now I’m going to end with two opinions

… before I give any opinions away, I should know where I get that opinion in the first place, why I kept it and be sure that it’s not an opinion that’s going to change.

Really; shutting up is the best option

In my opinion.

There’s really only one problem with asking a man to do something.

The problem is this: if you ask a man to do something, he won’t do it.

Pretty straight forward.

This article is my exploration into how a women can get her man to do something.

The most obvious answers are of course, threatening to commit suicide, throwing your shoes across the room or keying his car. But I’ll skip these today.

Direct Approach |

There’s another article floating around the internet that teaches women about men. It says “If you want something, just ask for it, we don’t get hints.”

I’m sure that all you women out there know that this doesn’t necessarily work. “Yes” will always be his response “I’ll do it” but you know that door isn’t going to get fixed. Not this year.

The problem with asking ‘directly’ is that it’s similar to an ultimatum. Both parties can very easily lose. If you’ve asked your man ‘directly’ to do something and he says “yes” but doesn’t do it, your only recourse from there is to yell and scream at him for not doing something he said he would.

This is all bad.

No good is going to come from this.

If you don’t yell and scream, you can always ask directly again or give a gentle hint, in which case you’ll get a touchy reply of “Yes! I said I’d do it didn’t I?”

And still it won’t get done. Then you’ll have to yell and scream at him anyway.

Like I said. All bad.

Forget about asking ‘directly’, it’s not gonna happen.

Indirect Approach |

There is always the ‘indirect’ approach. But as mentioned above, men don’t get hints. I don’t believe this is entirely true. Sometimes I think us men just like to pretend we didn’t understand as an excuse for not doing it.

“The rubbish is full Honey” you say, and I’m pretty certain your man knows that you mean “Empty the garbage, you lazy stinking pig.”

He’s still not gonna do it though.

The good thing about the ‘indirect’ approach is that when your man doen’t do it, you don’t have to end in a screaming match. See the truth is, you want to love him and buy asking ‘indirectly’ you’re giving him an ‘out’. So nothing happens (unless you do it yourself), but you can both still love each others.

So I guess that’s good.

3^rd Party Approach |

Another option often suggested by a friend of mine is what I call the ‘third party’ option.

Your door still needs fixing, your man still hasn’t done it (surprised?), so you say “I’ll see if Bob next door is free to have a look at our door.”

No-can-do! Believe me. This sounds reasonable to women – Bob comes around, fixes the door, sees your man couching, thinks he’s a jerk, your man realises that he’s an ass and starts doing stuff.

No no no no.

That’s how a women would see it happening but the man sees this as manipulation.

Manipulation is the number one way to ruin a relationship with a man. Don’t manipulate your man. Unless it’s a life and death issue, leave this option on the other side of your broken door. Use this option, and you will receive the silent treatment or the disappearing act. And you women know that this is the number one way for a man to cause you pain.

Playing Hero |

Surely I’ll get in trouble for what I’m going to say next, but as a guy, I can’t see any other alternative. You see, I’m like your average guy who won’t fix the door when my women asks me to fix it.

But here it is. I figure that men need to be trained much like dogs. If you want your dog to do something, you offer a treat, or give him attention.

In the case of your man needing attention, I want to substitute this with ‘feeding his ego’. Ever heard of a man without an ego problem?

No?

Neither have I!

A friend of mine does it this way. She grabs the tool kit, she goes to the door, and she starts making mistakes. She says “Hey there Man, I can’t get this screw undone” or something lame like that. He comes over and tells her how she’s doing it allllll wrong. “You have to do it like this and this and…”

So the door is fixed and he gets to play hero.

I love playing hero. It’s just like being in primary school again (men never really did grow up – we only call ourselves men instead of boys because women got a name change from girl – we wanted one as well.)

Problem is, the woman still has to get the tools, and put them away because her man isn’t going to put them away if she’s the one who brought them out in the first place. But chances are the door will get fixed.

So that’s the ‘hero’ method.

There’s also the ‘treat’ method. You’ll need to know what it is your man wants. And this can become quite costly. You don’t want to be paying for a ferrari every time you want your door fixed.

But anyway, I don’t feel I need to be explicit on this point. Women are smart enough to know how to prepare a treat for their man. But do remember that you need to leave him enough time to fix the door between promising the ‘treat’ and the realization of the ‘treat’.

The easiest way to do this is perhaps say you need to shower (or bath) and you’ll give it to him when he’s fixed the door. All men know that you’re going to be gone for nearly an hour, so he’s got an hour to fix the door while he’s waiting for that ‘treat’.

And thus concludes my article on ‘Making Men Do’

Really, I think it’s much easier if the women just did everything and let us sit on the sofa. Then everyone would be happy.

Men who just read this. Do something nice for your woman and get her some beautiful sliver earrings (affordable and classy) – www.josephineclare.com

Have you ever wondered why women love candle lit dinners so much?

Do you think it’s because they think we’ve (men) put in the effort to have one?

Can’t be. Sometimes it’s the woman who’s done all the work and effort into setting up a candle lit dinner.

So maybe it’s the the time that we spend with them?  It’s hardly a 2–minute dinner. It didn’t come out of a plastic packet.

Or maybe they feel more beautiful in the semi-darkness? Have you noticed that women will show more skin when having a candle lit dinner?

Conclusion|

I actually don’t have a conclusion to this. Please leave your comments. I’m going to need help on this one.

Did you know that men are basically incompetent? Not only are we incompetent, but we are unable to learn to be competent in most areas.

Take picnicking for example. Only last week my family went for a picnic. My sister’s father and I both carried a large mat to sit on once we arrive to our spot.

“Where would you like to sit?” my sisters mother asked, “here” I replied, handing her the mat “you can show us where you’d like to sit.” She then asked my sisters father, but he said the same “you put the mat down and we’ll sit.”

I don’t know how many years my sister’s father has been married (never asked him). During these years though, he learnt a very important lesson. He has learnt this; that he can’t put down a picnic mat, he never will learn how to place a picnic mat and never will again attempt at placing a picnic mat.

And neither will I!

Don’t think that I’m dobbing on my sister’s mother here! This has occurred on numerous occasions with girls from various cultures.

If a female is in the vicinity, my manly placed picnic mat is going to be moved a multitude of times before we’re allowed to sit. If there is a female there, let her place it. Don’t even place it for her, because you’ll still get it wrong.

Hand her the mat and let her place it.

So this is how I know that we men are incompetent and unable to learn competence.

If you’re a man’ the faster you learn this, the happier you’ll be in your marriage.

Navigating through problems is one of those things requiring energy and time.

Self employment has taught me that I can never remove all obstacles when dealing with problems and a client. Also, I have learnt that many of the obstacles are created by me, adding to those that are already in existence due to bad communication.

So I found that my involvement multiplied the problems already there. But taking me out of the equation was also not an option.

I will use an example from university life because there are fewer variables than when dealing with a client in business.

Generally most university courses and structures are similar in regards to assignments.

Let us suppose that I’ve been watching too many episodes of MD House and have found that there is no way to finish my assignment by Friday 12^th (the due date).

I decide to ask for an extension.

Problem defined: Unable to complete the assignment by the due date and I don’t have a ‘reasonable’ excuse for this.

Obviously the first step is to ask my lecturer for an extension. This first step is like placing coal on my doorstep.

Legend
Problem = Coals
Talking = Igniting
Reason = Kerosene
Solution = Sand

Unlit problems (the coal) aren’t really much of a threat. Not yet. But I still need to get my extension and I don’t want those coals igniting my house.

I realise that talking to my lecturer is going to light my coals. What if s/he doesn’t want to give me an extension? Fists are gonna fly.

Choice isn’t really an option here though, so let’s continue.

I’ve heard it said that “The surest way to avoid an argument is to not say anything.”

Great quote. Excellent advice.

Arguing with my lecturer is like throwing kerosene on my already smouldering coals. This must be avoided. I thought back to the other times I’d asked for an extension and find that I was only argued with, when I gave a reason.

A reason is always arguable (including this one). If I say “I was watching ‘MD House’ and now I don’t have time,” my lecturer can argue that this is not his/her responsibility and I should learn from this for future occasions. Or I can lie (note here: lying is the only thing I may fire staff for on the spot without allowing a full explanation – I explain this in the initial interview). But when lying, short of saying that my father died, my reasons can often be argued with easily. “My friend is in the hospital”, “Well can’t you write it there? You have a laptop don’t you? And the visiting hours are restricted!” S/he may retort.

I want to avoid having the kerosene igniting my coals, so I don’t give a tangible reason at all.

“Teacher” I say “I’ve a dilemma and find that I’m unable to complete my assignment by the due date, could I have an extension?”

Be patient here. We’re only halfway though.

This sentence still isn’t good enough.

I’ve avoided using a reason but s/he still may ask for a reason. So my next step is to minimize the chance that s/he’ll ask me “Why do you need an extension.”

Ah – now it occurs to me that my lecturer may not even remember which class I am in and which assignment I’m referring too.

Obviously my lecturer finds it easier to ask me for a reason while s/he tries to figure out the following.

1. Who am I?
2. What class am I in?
3. What assignment is it?
4. When is it due anyway?
5. How much longer do you need to complete the assignment?
6. Better ask ‘why’ so I have time to figure all this out in my head!

Bet you never thought that such a simple request can trigger so many questions! No worries – I never did either.

I want to remove F, and to do so require removing A-E first.

A and B can be solved by introducing myself (if I don’t have a repoire with my lecturer) and by telling him/her what class I’m in.

This is polite and should have been done anyway. My lecturers also, are all very busy so I shouldn’t be wasting his/her time by assuming they know every single one of their students well and know all dates without looking at their diary.

C and D are also quite easy. I refer to the assignment due on such and such a date so it’s fresh in my lecturers mind.

E doesn’t need to be referred to directly. This should be entered through the back door by giving an immediate solution so my lecturer doesn’t have to think about it or question me about it.

My greeting will now sound something more like this.

“Hi, (pleasantries and salutations go here). I’m in your XYZ class. Our assignment on XYZ is due soon but something’s popped up and I’m not going to be able to complete it by Friday 12^th. If possible I’d like to hand it in to you before the following Friday the 19^th.”

Though a little longer than the initial phrase, I have removed the need for my lecturer to think about A-F.

If I need to have a sheet signed for an extension, I better have one at the ready. If not, my lecturer need only say “yes, that should be fine.”

By using this technique I find that I never have to lie and generally get what I need without throwing kerosene on my coals.

For years now I’ve been using this approach with teachers, clients, peers, staff, bosses, girls I want to date and others.

I try to remove all questions and sources for an argument. This makes it easy for them to say yes.

So remember the legend in your communication with others.

Legend
Problem = Coals
Talking = Igniting
Reason = Kerosene
Solution = Sand

Note: FOR MEN ONLY

All women, please refrain from reading.

It’s a well known rule world over that women want to be happy.

There’s also a well known untrue fact that women are expensive. Date a girl, show interest in a girl and you will be sucked dry.

Men believe this because men are stupid.

So I’ll say it again. Women want to be happy.

Now, if you aren’t making your woman happy, she’s going to try making herself happy.

Shopping is probably one of the most common symptoms of unhappiness in women. Naturally all women love to shop but how much they spend while shopping can help you to gauge how happy she really is.

So how do you stop her from shopping all the time?

Buy her stuff.

No! Stop thinking that. See I told you men were stupid.

Make her happy and she will shop less. She’ll probably still go out with friends and such, but she’ll spend less on non-necessity items.

But shopping is like an addiction. For those of you who have failed to give your woman happiness for an extended period of time can expect withdrawal symptoms. This woman of yours is likely to start shopping less frequently, but during bouts of unhappiness will purchase well and above the usual quantity of non-necessity items.

This principle is best for those of you just starting to woo a woman.

So here are a few ideas to get you started.

How to make your woman feel special on a shoestring budget?

Disclaimer: This article isn’t written as a tool to help you men to become stingier than you already are.

Hint #1 | Use the correct brand of oil regularly

If you’re planning on sticking with your woman for any lengthy period of time, it’s imperative that you know her craving. Every woman has a craving for some item, and once you’re married it will be your responsibility to supply these (double the quantity during PMS season). If you’re married and you don’t know what your wife craves… you suck.

These are not piggy bank breakers. Women I know crave some of the following: Lays chips (mother), sugared almonds (sister), cheese (friend), dried squid (friend).

A man was buying flowers in a florist when the customer next to him says “Got wife maintenance to do, do you?” He turned and responded “Nah man, pre-maintenance”

If you don’t want to have to make major repairs to your woman, you’re going to need to keep her regularly oiled.

Her ‘crave’ substance is her brand of oil.

Hint #2 | Let her help

This hint also explains why even a jack-ass can get a woman.

Women love to help. They want to be useful, they want to be helpful, they want to feel as though they were part of something and did something to help it come into being.

Broadly speaking (women stop reading this paragraph) it seems to me that women find the easiest way of being a part of something is to ‘tweak’ her man so that he is better able to accomplish what it is he’s trying to do.

Basically, a woman sees a mans potential for what he could be (or do) rather than only what he is at the time she meets him.

When the man eventually becomes successful, she knows that she was a part of it.

So let your woman help. And let her know that you ‘need’ her help. She needs to feel needed. In many cases, this will also get you out of trouble. When she’s ranting and raving try saying something like, “Babe, I really need your help with this.”

If she doesn’t want to help; Dump her.

Hint #3 | Talk backwards

This is actually quite hard to do for men. It amazes me how all women seem to be able to do this from such an early age.

You’re going out to eat with your wife and she says “Are you going to wear that?”

Real meaning: “That’s inappropriate, wear something else.”

Appropriate response: “No, do you think you could help me find something appropriate Babe?” (Note hint #2)

Women talk backwards. So here I’ll give two examples talking backwards. The first is how to compliment a woman and the second is how to insult a woman.

Case study 1 | Alighting from my motorcycle I turned and said to the girl on the back that she “…sits very well on the bike, it hardly feels as though she’s on there at all.” She gave me a smile and said “Thanks, that’s a really nice compliment.” On further interrogation it became clear that what she heard was “I think you’re not fat!”

Go figure.

By the way “Have you lost weight?” works just as well as a compliment when said bluntly.

Case study 2 | At lunch, a friend was telling me how his wife had been away for a month visiting relatives and on returning she had changed her hair style. My friend didn’t observe this (what man in his right mind would?), and she felt insulted by the fact that he hadn’t said anything.

Make sure you ask your woman at regular intervals “Did you do something with your hair?” or if you want to play it safe, you can say “Oh, your hair looks nice today.” <!–[if !supportLineBreakNewLine]–> <!–[endif]–>

Hint #4 | Mr Collins technique

Women love flattery. When it’s over the top they may feign not liking it, but they do. Or over time they forget that it was over the top and they just remember that you say pleasant things to them.

Mr Collins in ‘Pride and Prejudice’ says that he prepares flattering comments ahead of time to use when the time is right. Everyone laughed at him for this, but the truth is, unless you’re eloquent in speech, it’s something that you may have to put some thought into so you can also use it at the appropriate time.

Remember to give your prepared statements as unstudied an air as possible.

Hint #5 | The written word

This is possibly the cheapest way to make your woman feel special. Leave her notes or send her a letter. A posted letter, even if you’re in the same house will make her feel fantastically approved of and thus happy.

Sometimes when I go overseas, I’ll have written letters to friends before I even leave. You never have time to write when you’re away working. So I can then send my letters while away and she will sincerely believe that you while you were working, you couldn’t help but think about her the entire time; so much in fact that you had to write her a letter.

WARNING!!! | NEVER make promises in writing. Women remember everything you say as it is, and putting something on paper that you may not do is just foolish. As men we have to be very careful of this because we’re stupid and can easily err.

End |

Talking about women is extremely exhausting. I think I’ll go take a morning nap to regain my energy.

If you can learn these principles perhaps I’ll feel obligated to type up some more hints at a latter date.

Or you can make a woman happy with a piece of silver jewellery my sister and I sell on Ebay. I love the frangipani/plumeria collection. www.josephineclare.com

We only stock high quality genuine silver jewellery at very good prices.