Nathaniel Laiet

Nathaniel Laiet Copyright 2008

My brother went out riding with me on my motorcycle last week. It wasn’t difficult to convince him that it would be a fun trip to take part in.He is an outdoors kind of kid, the weather was great, his elder brother was going and there was a motorcycle - which 10 year olds just can’t turn a blind eye to. A little effort was needed in convincing him that wearing the helmet was a worth while investment to make, even though it meant that he would no longer be able to feel the fresh musky evening air rush through his hair, splash across his face or push flies up through his nose. And then we were off; the wind flowed over the tops of our helmets sucking out heads upwards from our necks and surely we would have flown had my brother stuck his arms out. Our helmet straps were beating against our necks at 10 million RPMs leaving reds welt and stinging so badly that the pain told us we were living. We were like cowboys. My bike that day was our steed as we galloped off into the sunset homeward bound. But, we had to stop. The back tire went flat and our trusty steed would go no further (now you know the real reason behind cowboy movies ending when they do). Misery! Two cowboys with a broken steed are suited only for sitting and complaining about how life is difficult, unfair, miserable and unbearable! And I was going to make the most of the time I had to do just that. There were two fallen power poles laying across the canal which I thought would serve perfectly for pacing while complaining. I had paced only three steps when my brother had it in his mind that our time would better be spent trying to push me into the canal. Life is unfair! My steed was broken and my brother was trying to push me into a canal. But there was no time to consider these new facts, because it was necessary to direct all thought to directing my steps so as not to fall at my brother’s hand, for he is nimble and I am old. So, time passed quickly while we waited for our slave, in the form of father to come pick us and our noble steed up. I thought about how little time I had to moan because my brother gave me a push and wanted to play rather than pace and complain…. … and I thought that perhaps I would be happier too, if I left those things in life that I can’t control and which cause me anxiety by the road side. I could instead give my Father a little push and say “Hey, let’s play while we wait!”

	True stories woven into parables about my brother. Proving that even autistic people have things to teach each one of us.Get professionally formatted PDF files of these stories from here Single A4 PDF sheet with illustrations, suitable for classroom use.
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“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven: A time to be born and a time to die, A time to plan and a time to uproot, A time to kill and a time to heal, A time to tear down and a time to build, A time to weep and a time to laugh, A time to mourn and a time to dance, A time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, A time to embrace and a time to refrain, A time to search and a time to give up, A time to keep and a time to throw away, A time to tear and a time to mend, A time to be silent and a time to speak, A time to love and a time to hate, A time for war and a time for peace.”

Building Confidence

From an early age it’s pounded into us we’re taught that we’re not good enough. Not handsome enough, not affluent enough or whatever. And so, we spend years of our lives chasing after these things.

A day might come where you realize that you’re actually not bad looking and/or that you’re not bad off financially either. So you start dating girls. It’s easy. You see, most people are lonely and everyone is lonely in various seasons of their life.

The point is that you gain all this confidence and then one day you meet this girl. She’s the most amazing girl! Like no one you’ve ever met before. She’s smart, she’s beautiful; she has integrity and is always looking out for others before she ever bothers to look out for herself.

This is when you’re crushed. After all those years of building confidence in your physique and learning and social standing; you realize that you’re not good enough for this girl.

“For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things.”

Now love wouldn’t be true love if you can’t love her despite her faults or if she can’t love you despite your failings.

Love isn’t always that ‘floating on clouds’ feeling. No, love must be tested and proved. You want to know if this girl would love you despite your faults, your ugly history and despite you’re not having paid close attention to your character as you have to your physique and consumer life-style.

Refining Love

You need to test her love for you.

Partly because you love her and don’t wish to be in a relationship with someone who you have to keep secrets from and partly because you want to know if she really loves you enough to stick by you once knowing who you really are.

Chances are that she still will love you. Love is blind they say. My friend tells me “True love can’t exist without blind love.” I believe he means that if we weren’t blind in the beginning, we would too clearly see the faults of others and never risk our hearts with them.

Men seem to believe that people don’t change. “Once my good opinion is lost, it’s lost forever” is how Darcy said it in ‘Pride and Prejudice’. But women often seem to believe that people can change. And thank God for that!

You’ll probably find that this girl you love has more faith that you can and will change than you do yourself.

Young men often have this belief that they are a great catch for any girl. In fact, many men never really grow out of this. I’ll bet crusty old Donald Trump still believes that he’s a great catch!

This girl though, shatters your self perception and you’re starting to realize some truths about yourself.

Realizing Self

Your struggles begin!

In less than 5 seconds you’ve already questioned yourself on the following:

1. Can I be forgiven?

2. Can she forgive me?

3. Can I change?

4. If yes – how do I change?

5. If no – do I need to and will she still love me?

6. How long does it take to change and how can I be sure that I’ve changed?

7. Is it right to change because of a girl?

8. I have other reasons to want to change but how can I be sure if I never fully changed before this girl? Would I have changed without her?

9. Should we continue our relationship while I change?

10. Do I even love her for her or do I only love her because of her goodness?

11. But isn’t her goodness a large part of who she is?

… and more

Right about this time you disappear for a few days and she’s worried sick; wondering why you’re not answering your phone.

Seasons Change

Finally you meet this girl again. She’s happy (she thinks) but she has no idea why you’ve been gone for days with no words to comfort her.

You came back for two reasons:

1. You realized that change in yourself is possible
2. You still really love this girl and do really want to spend much of your time with her

You want to change – but don’t know how to yet, or if you’ll succeed! You love this girl but don’t want to let her remain emotionally attached in case you can’t be the man you know she deserves.

Over dinner she knows that you’re not fully present and she wants you to explain this. But you can’t explain all that to a girl. They think differently to guys. And you can’t explain it anyway when you’re debating in your own mind whether you should break up with this girl or not. You don’t know if you should or shouldn’t because both occurrences have the same logical reasoning.

“I love this girl too much to stay together – because she deserves better.”

“I love this girl too much; we should stay together – because I will always look out for her.”

And thus it’s proved that logical reasoning is not always absolute. For you can’t grow or discontinue the relationship from here without a little trust, faith or taking some chances.

I guess some decisions just need a little emotional help or some of what we call ‘women’s intuition’! And time! Trust, faithfulness and chance are like gemstones. Requiring time, diligence and patience before you’ll see them shine.

“Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.”

All quotes taken from the NIV published by Zondervan

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8, Romans 5:3-5, Timothy 4:8

Dear God,

 

Often I wonder why You leave us handicapped.

 

During this era on earth, logic, science and philosophy are what rules mankind’s thought.

 

Now man believes that utilizing these forms of research and thought together will bring us to full understand of everything.

 

I’ve heard it said “A fact is just one man’s theory until another comes along with a better one.” The new theory replaces the last ‘fact’ and the new theory becomes our new ‘fact’ (consider the world being flat, for instance).

Indeed, even scientists in the same field with the same education don’t always come to the same conclusion. But each of these men believe their findings to be written in stone because their findings cannot be disproved with the knowledge we currently have. They must be proved with time, but the world is moving faster, information flows faster and no one allows time to test our findings before quoting them as fact any more.

 

And God! I am unable to prove your existence any better than they can prove their findings from their ‘observations.’

 

For that is all science is really; a person’s observations and extrapolated ‘thesis’ (thesis: position/intellectual proposition) from their observations.

 

So God, I know You. I’ve experienced you. But I can not prove You.

 

And in taking all of science, mathematics, and logic (and the many other forms of thought processes which many seem to know nothing about), I can not absolutely disprove You.

 

Why must You handicap me so, by making Yourself improvable and at the same time so necessary to my life?

 

But then I realized that even science is a form of faith. For every thought must be based upon an initial assumption.

 

So God, this is why I’m perfectly happy to use your word as my basic assumption. Because every other form of thought also requires an assumption. But I like your assumptions more, for none of them are bad. They are all wholly good.

But then, that’s based on the assumption that I know what ‘good’ is.

 

Ciao for now,

 

  ~ Nathaniel

Dear God,

 

Why is it that You must give us such a large learning curve?

When I was 16, I remember a time with friends.

 

Our singer in our jazz band had just told us that she had no parents. And I couldn’t stand the silence.

 

Trying to diffuse the situation, I said “Haven’t you read that book? Where do I come from?”

 

She looked at me, and I’ll always remember how her eyes narrowed and her face contorted when she said “They’re dead, you moron.”

 

She left quickly and my friends all just looked at me, while one of them drove the nail through my coffin saying “I can’t believe you just said that!”

 

It wasn’t until many years later I learned that my reaction to shock is to make a joke, hoping to diffuse the situation.

 

If only I had known, when I was 16 that people in shock react differently; me included. Then I could have avoided saying something so stupid.

 

Those 30 seconds were the most painful in all my life.

 

But God, through that experience, I’ve always tried to react slower and understand others emotional needs better.

 

So perhaps I needed to make such a blunder to learn that?

God, you always did know more than me.

 

~ Nathanial

Dear God,

After all these years of praying to you and asking you to make me rich so that I can help others, it has become patently obvious that to me that me becoming rich isn’t very high on your list of priorities.

I can’t believe that helping others isn’t high on your list. “Love your neighbour as yourself” was Jesus’ second commandment in the New Testament after all.

So I must conclude that helping others doesn’t necessarily require wealth.

So God, my prayer is this; help me to bless others, love others and help others despite my finanial status!

  ~ Nathaniel

‘Yea’; oft is the grandest answer I did ever giveth mine papa.

Knee caps once were all I could see without looking heavenward with mine eyes. And mine papa loved to ask me questions. And I would sayeth ‘Nay’

‘Can you mow the lawn?’

And ‘Nay’ I respondeth.

And then I was tortured on the rack. I am sure of it, for the scars on mine back surely are proof of this.

So now mine head is in the clouds. Most must climb a mountain just to speaketh with me. Not all do. But mine papa doth.

And doth thee know what he sayeth to me?

I will tell thee. Still he asked of me a question.

Though his questions are greatly improved, I still respondeth ‘Nay’.

Mine computer has many interesting things to behold. The internet brings to mine bedroom ten thousand things with every blink.

And mine papa asks. And I sayeth ‘Nay’.

But now mine father has what he needs. And what he wanteth would relieve mine wallet of more weight than it hath.

There is nought I can giveth to mine papa.

And so I sayeth ‘Yea’, for it is all I have.

And I find that it is enjoyable to share lunch with mine papa.

If ‘Yea’ were answered more oft; mine papa and I would have dinned out more. And one day mine papa will not ask me anything – for he will not be here.

And I will remember those times I did answer ‘Yea’.

I realise that I have one other father who will never leave. And He doth also ask me questions. And I doth sayeth ‘Nay’. But when I sayeth ‘Yea’ I doth enjoy the consequences of mine answer.

Since there is nought I can give God - mine other father. It is best that I answer ‘Yea’ when He doth ask me.

And it is more enjoyable than sharing lunch with mine papa.

I stand in awe of wisdom, understanding and knowledge.

Science and mathematics seems to have no end to its purposes and greatness.

Who can’t help but stand in awe and worship these things?

Even my own mind has more crevices than I could ever hope to explore in one lifetime. I stand in awe at the power of mans mind, even when no man has ever fully harnessed its power.

I need to worship – something; and these are the things I choose to worship.

Most of my day is spent in worshiping something. Sometimes it’s food, or music, or language or even someone’s personality.

I must have been wired to worship because I can’t help but worship with every living breath. With every act, I am worshiping something, subtle or no. And I find that most of my worship is for myself.

But worshiping these things serves no purpose. What do I gain by professing the greatness of science or knowledge, thought, culture or religion?

By worshiping these things, I gain nothing and I give nothing.

Is it beneficial to me to profess science (for example) to the world as worthy of our worship? Would it change our minds and our attitudes?

Until I find something truly fitting to worship – something worth worshiping, I think I’ll continue to worship myself. At least I derive some satisfaction from this.

Dear God,

God, why am I a burden to society, to others and to my family. Why is it that I’m so lazy? Why can’t you just attach strings and play me like a puppet? Wouldn’t it be easier to achieve your purpose through me this way?

But instead you allow me to live. No – not allow – I should be dead. You intervened and insisted that I live, but You left me broken. You didn’t give me everything back to me and left me here without a purpose. Or maybe I’m just not listening.

But you left me with hope, only I don’t have anything to hope for, and when there is hope it never comes to fruit.

Or perhaps You’re waiting for me to realise that even if my hopes were fruitful, that nothing would actually change. Everything remains the same.

So instead, You wait silently as I grow dead to myself. Waiting perhaps until everything that is not of You is purged from my life, my actions and my thoughts.

And though I hate it, I pray that this is what You’re doing. And if it isn’t, I pray that You would take me now for if I can not die to this life on earth while on earth, then there is no point in sticking around and remaining a burden to those in my acquaintance.

And this is what You’ve taught me through Your silence God.

I’m not as spiritual as I thought I was.

I’m not as passionate as I thought I was.

I’m not as nice as I thought I was.

I’m not as wise, skilful, clever, talented, intellectual, or as smart as I thought I would be by now.

I don’t persevere as much as I thought I would.

Nor do I retain my integrity the way You’ve taught me to.

And even some of what I did have, You have allowed to be taken from me.

God does it satisfy you that You have a broken, lazy follower? Even the word servant can’t describe my attitude, because I’m still living for myself.

But something else You’ve taught me; something far more important.

You will never allow something to be taken from me which I need to further Your work here on earth.

I’m useful to Your purpose each day with what I have been given and allowed to keep.

And if I am useful and you promise that I’m strongest when I am weak. Though I’m not as smart, clever, and talented as I would like to be, and though I can’t see it, You are still using me every day to fulfil your works through me.

And on that note, there are probably some people I know who would appreciate knowing how much they’ve meant to me.

Thanks,

! Nathaniel

There are too many things in life that we can’t have even if we wanted them.

…we desire and pine for them anyway.

There are far too many things in life that we have which we shouldn’t.

…but we keep them anyway.

There are far too many things in life that we have gained by wrong ethics.

…and we justify it anyway.

There are far too many things in life that are free and accessible to us that we refuse to accept or keep.

…we say we’ll accept them tomorrow but tomorrow never comes.

There are far too many things in life that we no longer need which others clearly could do well with it.

…but we hoard it all anyway.

Dear God,

I’m always talking at you. I love to talk I guess.

This time I’m just going to sit and listen to you.

…

……

………

Well, when you feel like talking, leave a comment.

~ Nathaniel