Nathaniel Laiet

‘Yea’; oft is the grandest answer I did ever giveth mine papa.

Knee caps once were all I could see without looking heavenward with mine eyes. And mine papa loved to ask me questions. And I would sayeth ‘Nay’

‘Can you mow the lawn?’

And ‘Nay’ I respondeth.

And then I was tortured on the rack. I am sure of it, for the scars on mine back surely are proof of this.

So now mine head is in the clouds. Most must climb a mountain just to speaketh with me. Not all do. But mine papa doth.

And doth thee know what he sayeth to me?

I will tell thee. Still he asked of me a question.

Though his questions are greatly improved, I still respondeth ‘Nay’.

Mine computer has many interesting things to behold. The internet brings to mine bedroom ten thousand things with every blink.

And mine papa asks. And I sayeth ‘Nay’.

But now mine father has what he needs. And what he wanteth would relieve mine wallet of more weight than it hath.

There is nought I can giveth to mine papa.

And so I sayeth ‘Yea’, for it is all I have.

And I find that it is enjoyable to share lunch with mine papa.

If ‘Yea’ were answered more oft; mine papa and I would have dinned out more. And one day mine papa will not ask me anything – for he will not be here.

And I will remember those times I did answer ‘Yea’.

I realise that I have one other father who will never leave. And He doth also ask me questions. And I doth sayeth ‘Nay’. But when I sayeth ‘Yea’ I doth enjoy the consequences of mine answer.

Since there is nought I can give God - mine other father. It is best that I answer ‘Yea’ when He doth ask me.

And it is more enjoyable than sharing lunch with mine papa.

Navigating through problems is one of those things requiring energy and time.

Self employment has taught me that I can never remove all obstacles when dealing with problems and a client. Also, I have learnt that many of the obstacles are created by me, adding to those that are already in existence due to bad communication.

So I found that my involvement multiplied the problems already there. But taking me out of the equation was also not an option.

I will use an example from university life because there are fewer variables than when dealing with a client in business.

Generally most university courses and structures are similar in regards to assignments.

Let us suppose that I’ve been watching too many episodes of MD House and have found that there is no way to finish my assignment by Friday 12^th (the due date).

I decide to ask for an extension.

Problem defined: Unable to complete the assignment by the due date and I don’t have a ‘reasonable’ excuse for this.

Obviously the first step is to ask my lecturer for an extension. This first step is like placing coal on my doorstep.

Legend
Problem = Coals
Talking = Igniting
Reason = Kerosene
Solution = Sand

Unlit problems (the coal) aren’t really much of a threat. Not yet. But I still need to get my extension and I don’t want those coals igniting my house.

I realise that talking to my lecturer is going to light my coals. What if s/he doesn’t want to give me an extension? Fists are gonna fly.

Choice isn’t really an option here though, so let’s continue.

I’ve heard it said that “The surest way to avoid an argument is to not say anything.”

Great quote. Excellent advice.

Arguing with my lecturer is like throwing kerosene on my already smouldering coals. This must be avoided. I thought back to the other times I’d asked for an extension and find that I was only argued with, when I gave a reason.

A reason is always arguable (including this one). If I say “I was watching ‘MD House’ and now I don’t have time,” my lecturer can argue that this is not his/her responsibility and I should learn from this for future occasions. Or I can lie (note here: lying is the only thing I may fire staff for on the spot without allowing a full explanation – I explain this in the initial interview). But when lying, short of saying that my father died, my reasons can often be argued with easily. “My friend is in the hospital”, “Well can’t you write it there? You have a laptop don’t you? And the visiting hours are restricted!” S/he may retort.

I want to avoid having the kerosene igniting my coals, so I don’t give a tangible reason at all.

“Teacher” I say “I’ve a dilemma and find that I’m unable to complete my assignment by the due date, could I have an extension?”

Be patient here. We’re only halfway though.

This sentence still isn’t good enough.

I’ve avoided using a reason but s/he still may ask for a reason. So my next step is to minimize the chance that s/he’ll ask me “Why do you need an extension.”

Ah – now it occurs to me that my lecturer may not even remember which class I am in and which assignment I’m referring too.

Obviously my lecturer finds it easier to ask me for a reason while s/he tries to figure out the following.

1. Who am I?
2. What class am I in?
3. What assignment is it?
4. When is it due anyway?
5. How much longer do you need to complete the assignment?
6. Better ask ‘why’ so I have time to figure all this out in my head!

Bet you never thought that such a simple request can trigger so many questions! No worries – I never did either.

I want to remove F, and to do so require removing A-E first.

A and B can be solved by introducing myself (if I don’t have a repoire with my lecturer) and by telling him/her what class I’m in.

This is polite and should have been done anyway. My lecturers also, are all very busy so I shouldn’t be wasting his/her time by assuming they know every single one of their students well and know all dates without looking at their diary.

C and D are also quite easy. I refer to the assignment due on such and such a date so it’s fresh in my lecturers mind.

E doesn’t need to be referred to directly. This should be entered through the back door by giving an immediate solution so my lecturer doesn’t have to think about it or question me about it.

My greeting will now sound something more like this.

“Hi, (pleasantries and salutations go here). I’m in your XYZ class. Our assignment on XYZ is due soon but something’s popped up and I’m not going to be able to complete it by Friday 12^th. If possible I’d like to hand it in to you before the following Friday the 19^th.”

Though a little longer than the initial phrase, I have removed the need for my lecturer to think about A-F.

If I need to have a sheet signed for an extension, I better have one at the ready. If not, my lecturer need only say “yes, that should be fine.”

By using this technique I find that I never have to lie and generally get what I need without throwing kerosene on my coals.

For years now I’ve been using this approach with teachers, clients, peers, staff, bosses, girls I want to date and others.

I try to remove all questions and sources for an argument. This makes it easy for them to say yes.

So remember the legend in your communication with others.

Legend
Problem = Coals
Talking = Igniting
Reason = Kerosene
Solution = Sand

“You’ve got what I call a luxury problem.”